Thursday, March 5, 2015

A Few More Days of Marching Into the Battle | when life knocks you down, you get back up


THIS IS ONE OF THOSE WEEKS. What do I mean by that? Well, it's another one of those rather trying weeks. The kind that push and pull you in multiple directions; the kind that test the very essence of you, your willpower and determination; the kind that chew you up and spit you out ... that's what I mean by one of those weeks.

At the beginning of this year, I asked God to disturb me to "dare more boldly" and to "grow me, push me, dare me, every day. (to) break me down and build me up". And by golly, has He done just that.


It's only the beginning of March and I've already faced challenges I thought I couldn't endure. I've already been through hell and back, or so it seems. And like He promised in His Word, He hasn't "forsake[n] me" (Psalm 27:9). He who promised has been faithful, even as I have been faithless. It's been a trying journey, and there's still more of it to go.

I'm now in my first week of finals, with my first 3 half-semester classes coming to a close this weekend. I then have 3 more classes starting up in two weeks. It's been an exhausting last two months. I've worked around 40hrs/wk during January, and 30hrs/wk during February, plus putting in 30+ hours of study and school time per week. Plus the other volunteer and extracurricular work I've fit in there somewhere.  
It's been a tough 2015. 

Even without coffee, I'm determined to kick this week. March won't know what hit it.

Yet despite my determination, through it all I've been faced with the prospect that I won't ever be good enough (even as much I work for it). I'm a perfectionist, and a fighter, and have been challenged with the idea that I need to work my tail off just so I can prove I'm strong enough, smart enough, fit enough ... good enough. But guess what, I won't ever be "enough". No matter how hard I try. And my pride and determination take a bit of a blow with that statement, but it's the hard truth. I've often fallen into despair at the prospect of working only to potentially fail, yet I know that in the end we "Only (have) one life, ’twill soon be past. (And) only what’s done for Christ will last" (C. T. Studd).

But that doesn't mean I still won't give it my best.

On the contrary, I'm only going to work harder and push longer than ever before. And sure, I'm still going to feel like I'm not good enough sometimes. I'm still going to fail, be pushed away, broken down, and ill-used. But I WILL work my hardest, I WILL fight the battle every day, I WILL push myself to my limits and then go farther. And through the fray I know I fight for something greater than high academic standing, good looks, or a grand career. I fight for Him, I live for Him, and I will die for Him. He's all that matters.

And with every bit life throws my way, I'm going to keep my head up. And when I find myself in wretched circumstances, as I am in now, I'll remember that:

"A few more days of marching into the battle,
Then you will receive the crown."

Truly, my "heart may be filled with care". But "it shall be filled with the praise of Heaven soon". And how "trivial [my] troubles and trials will seem when [I] look back upon them! Looking at them here in the prospect, they seem immense; but when [I] get to heaven [I] shall view everything from a new perspective" (Charles Spurgeon, Morning & Evening Devotions, May 13; Psalm 30:5).


So hey kid, remember to keep your head up. Look at life in light of eternity, and find the courage to take that next step. I'm not completely sure how this week will end, nor how I'm going to finish the rest of this semester well. But I know I'm going to take joy and find my courage in He who is greater still.


See you at the end of this week. 

All text © 2015 Footprints in the Sand | All Images © 2015 Charity Klicka Photography

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