Saturday, March 23, 2013

Seas of my Fears

In the dark night Is there a shelter or a rescue light?
Is there a fire burning up the plight
That plagues my shallow heart?

Because lately
I swear ths world is just a maze to me
My eyes are blinded by the things I see
That are tearing us all apart

-Bebo Norman, The Broken

This is one of those rather unsure days. I've been thinking a lot about, well, a lot of things. Too many to go into detail, but just know my mind as not been at rest. Imagine this, if you would, a jolly little sailing ship on the high seas. As the ship sails, a storm rises around it and sends waves and torrents of rain crashing upon it. Seeing no respite, all the little ship can do is keep persevering. Every mile it travels out of the storm, so adds two more miles of storm...and there you have my rather muddled mind. This time in my life is one of those trusting times. 

As the little ship, I want to trust that there is a light at the end of this storm. Yet at the same time, still hold onto my fears of the unknown. I want to trust God's perfect plans, but in my own way I want those plans to include my own. But when it comes to trusting God, that's not how that works. I need to yield everything completely over to Him, as William Wilberforce yielded his political career to follow after Christ. As that little sailing ship, I need to turn my wheel over to the Captain of my ship (and of my life). You might laugh if you were to look in on what troubles my heart, but I can't deny what's there. 

This life is a struggle. 

A war against myself, my being, and my passions and ideals. I stretch myself out before an unsuspecting audience, and in return I come away with a list of things to make me better. A list of to-dos, of fix-its and updates, of a few cuts here and a stitch there. And the lists are endless, and continual. Each time, a new list is added to the old lists. I don't want to admit it, at most, or do something about it, at least. More than just my pride, I don't want to realize that I am not what they are. I am not, nor will I ever be, like them. As hard as I try (or in my mind's eye I don't try enough), the answer is the same. The feeling remains. 

Round and round, as the hands on the clock turn, bringing in the new hour and ushering out the old. So my  thoughts will never be. I usher in the new, but hold onto the old. And how can time properly work and calculate if we hold onto the old hour and at the same time usher in the new. Two hours in the space of one, well it wouldn't do. And so two different persons, in the space of one, also wouldn't do (and doesn't). I can't be two different people. There's the here and now, and there's the what could have been. I can't be both. 

As a child of the living God, I choose the here and now. My past is past. And although I will never be what they are or achieve their great successes, I will forever be God's child. 

And although this life is a struggle, I choose to persevere. I deny myself and my feelings, and turn again to an ever faithful God. The Christian life is that of perseverance, and I couldn't put it better than Wilberforce did:

"Each of us has a work to accomplish that has to do with our eternal well-being, a work to which we are naturally indisposed. We live in a world of things that distract our attention and divert our efforts; a deadly enemy is always on hand to seduce and beguile us. If we persevere, then success is certain, but we must never stop trying. We are called to a life of continual resolution, self-denial, and activity" (William Wilberforce on Perseverance). 

So dear reader, in every moment of despair, remember to persevere! Let the Captain of your ship hold the wheel and guide you safely through the storm. Remember what a blessing God's given us in the gift of life, and what a grand thing it truly is. 

"I like living. I have sometimes been wildly, despairingly, acutely miserable, racked with sorrow, but through it all I still know quite certainly that just to be alive is a grand thing." -Agatha Christie

All text © 2013 Footprints in the Sand | All Images © 2013 Hislight Photography


  1. As someone who is also going through a somewhat trying time, I found this very encouraging. Love you, Charity a ghràidh.

  2. That's how a true follower of Christ respond to life's struggle. keep it up, Charity. It was a wonderful post. :)


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